INTRO: Years ago, as I wrote in my journal, my hand tensed as the pen scratched out the angry words “He drives me crazy” as I burst into song and wailed along with The Fine Young Cannibals’ song “She drives me crazy.” But how do you set boundaries around a Crazymaker? “What is a Crazymaker?” “Who is a CrazyMaker?”
“Ahhhh, He drove me crazy.” I was once married to a Crazymaker. I am now very careful to not get involved with this type of person. But if you are married to one, working for one, or have a close family member or friend that is one, how do you pursue your personal goals with them in your life? I am not qualified to answer that question. I believe it takes a team around you of supportive people including a professional who can work with you to set personal boundaries.
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I went to talk to a psychologist with a plan of action in hand. I also built relationships with supportive people. It is not only women who have to live or work with a Crazymaker. I know men who are in the same predicament. All I can say is GET PROFESSIONAL HELP for yourself, so you can stop enabling the crazymaker and stop dancing to a Crazymaker’s tune and hopefully, the Crazymaker will accept help as well.
Even if you have a tough emotional journey ahead of you to fulfil your goal, just as I and many others, I hope that one day you will be able to look back over your unique journey in the same way we look back over any physical journey that we take. Some are flat and easy, some have hills to climb which some are easy, and some are challenging. We know the ones that need an experienced guide to lead us all the way to the top of the mountain or advise us to abandon the journey. Remember, you are not alone. Take care of yourself. Beverley Joy
I have included two poems. The first poem titled I Can’t Rescue You, I wrote while I was still married to a Crazymaker. This second poem I wrote soon after I left after 10 years of marriage.
Don’t just survive life or just strive in life, THRIVE.Beverley Joy
I Can’t Rescue You
I rowed out to you as fast as I could
Through your troubled angry sea of life
I reached out my hand begging you “Please
Come close, let me lift you from your misery.”
You thrashed around yelling and screaming
Drowning in sorrow right in front of me
“Take my hand” I pleaded, choking back tears
Why won’t you listen to me?”
I leant out again as far as I could
With my outstretched loving hand
“Come on”, I shouted, so desperate
You were drowning in your panicked state.
I couldn’t stay with you any longer
Or I too would fall into your danger
And be engulfed and lost to its waves
My mission to rescue would have failed.
I realized that I alone couldn’t save you
So, I rowed back to shore as fast as I could
I screamed for the help of someone who knew how
To rescue my loved one before he drowned.
When a friend or family member is drowning
Overcome by their troubled sea of life
And you have tried your best to save them
Quick, get professional help before it is too late.
Beverley Joy © 2010 of Simply Story Poetry. All Rights Reserved
The Stranger Within Her
Who is this?
Controlled, restrained, suppressed
In her relationships
Living a life that wasn’t her own
A stranger to herself.
“Don’t make waves
Don’t ask for help
Do as you’re told,
“You have no ‘voice’, your opinions don’t matter
You’re uneducated, no one will listen.”
A square peg forced into a round hole
A vulnerable girl silenced from birth.
Her first relationship was more of the same
Add the ingredients of anger and rage
Trying to please him, walking on eggshells
No rights, it’s not fair, she must leave him.
Her next relationship was happy at first
They laughed and danced, he loved her voice
An obedient wife, she trusted him,
It was good as long as she said “Yes.”
One day she courageously said “No”
“Be true to myself, my values renew.”
Her ‘positive’ husband turned into a monster
Spewing up anger from the bowels of his soul.
Physically trapped, kept from her family
Silenced, in pain and suffocating
Say what’s acceptable, or pay the price
Don’t ruffle the feathers, try to stay safe.
When enough was enough, she walked out
Full of fear and dread into her new world
She was a stranger to herself
Her world had changed, but she felt the same.
She prayed to God
For help, mercy and love
Her heart flooded
With acceptance and grace.
She cried, “What will become of me
I’m being made new, but I don’t know who
I am becoming; changing from within.”
“Who am I? Who is this?
That emerges from within
An alien, a stranger
Living in my skin.”
She’s now bubbly and bright
Supported by true friends
She has a voice that loves to sing
She’s educated and confident.
She reminisces her old self
Now a stranger far-removed
Shivers run through her
“I must never go back there.”
Time has passed and gradually
Her life is full of love and peace
She’s wiser, smarter and less naive
Confident and strong, she moves on.
Beverley Joy © 2014 of Simply Story Poetry All Rights Reserved.
You can listen to all my poems on several podcast platforms here
Read my verse There’s No Shame in Asking ‘Lift My Up’
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
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